5 Tips for Loving Your Spouse Well {+ 5 Date Night Questions}

Hi friends!

Can you believe it’s Valentine’s Day?! I’m still in shock that it’s February! While I know there are many Flourish Flock friends who don’t have a spouse, and desperately want one, I want to share first and foremost that I am praying for all of you. I am asking that you have great peace in this area- peace that surpasses all understanding. And, that you have great, radiating joy. Know that you are loved and that other content this month is most certainly going to pertain to you and/or encourage you!

5 Tips for Loving Your Spouse Well

For friends of the Flock that are married, I want to share some wisdom I gleaned from a recent sermon I heard and some other words of encouragement as we take some time to think about love this month.

The overall premise of the sermon is that “friendship is like marital insurance”. Have you ever heard that before?

I have not and I loved how he went on to share that relationships can change- they can be transformed, when we’re willing to do the dirty work. The pastor shared that counseling and coaching only work when the change occurring involves demo. Demo of the old mindsets, habits, relationships, patterns, etc. that led to the current situation.

He also shared the important difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint attacks the problem and criticism attacks the person. What a great reminder this was and is for me! I so want to be a wife who shares a complaint, rather than criticism!

I think if we are really honest with ourselves, sometimes we treat our friends better than our spouses! And, I think there are often times that we act more like roommates and managers than we do lovers, partners and friends!

And, when this happens, we lose the friendship that we had in the beginning. He shared that currently the highest rate of divorce is among couples that have been married 20-25 years. He said that once the kids leave the home, the parents realize they don’t even have a relationship and have lost sight of who they are. I see so often that the mom becomes so wrapped up in motherhood that she loses who she is and some of the passions and qualities that attracted her husband to her initially. It’s so important for us to cultivate ourselves, ladies, outside of “only being moms”.

So, given that this entry is focused on marriage, I’m going to give some various tips/suggestions for loving your spouse well and having a thriving marriage, rather than just a “surviving marriage”.

-Schedule “business” meetings – every other week or once a month- whatever works for y’all and use that time to talk about schedule, finances, chores, home improvements, etc.

-Schedule dates- morning, noon and/or night- get creative and carve out that time. It can be with at home or out- it doesn’t matter! Remove the distractions {phones, laptops, TV, etc}. Set the expectation with one another that any “business meeting” topics are off the table for dates… if that makes you nervous because you’re not sure what you’ll talk about- think about starting with some of these questions:

  1. How can I love you better?
  2. What is lighting you up lately?
  3. What is weighing on you/dragging you down?
  4. What are some dreams/goals you have {both short term and long term}?
  5. What are some ways that I've supported you well lately?

-Discuss your values {print out the FREE Download at the end of this post} as individuals and as a couple

-Consciously choose to believe the best, not assume the worst {within reason of course!}

-Spice it up in the bedroom {yes, I’m going there} – it is SO necessary and I’ll be the first to say it’s something that I’ve neglected at various times in my past and oh how important that time is on so many levels {*might* share on this topic more at some point but not sure!}

Happy Valentine’s Day, friend! I hope these tips are helpful as you love your spouse well!

5 Tips for Loving Your Spouse Well